Written 8/23/2024
The word liminal just means "in transition". In recent times it more refers to liminal spaces. Which are surreal images that evoke more a melencholic nostaliga, than liminality. Which I found is described best as "that feeling when you are between jobs". Liminal means 'in transition', so it makes sense.
I have been in this weird state for a while. And it started when I lost my last job ended. I won't go too into details there, but basically I got roped into a newspaper delivery job where I was actively losing money. And I had to work for them for a month. And I have been unable to get a job for the last two months.
So alongside all the bad that comes along with that. I had a lot of free time on my hands. And it was so obvious what to spend my time doing. At the time I was a non-professional game dev. And for a fucking year I had hoped and prayed and begged and wished with every fiber of being that I would one day have the free time to program more. Because for those who don't know, programming is an IMMENSLEY time expensive hobby. Based on my knowledge if you wanted to make a very small scope game you would need, like, 100 hours to do it. And when you only have, like an hour to yourself every day. It's basically not gonna happen.
But I did it anyway. I never finished everything, but I promised myself if I ever had an extended ammount of free time. I would not waste it. And so I was partially excited when I lost my job because I knew I would probably have, like, a week or two to work on something. So, I sat down at my computer. Opened up my code editor.
And all desire I had to make videogames instantly evaporated
This was surreal, because programming had been my special interest for a WHILE. It was all I could think about for over a year. Every day at work I would be waiting and waiting to get home and start programming. Every second I wasn't programming I was waiting until the next time I could program again. And I truly did not know what to do with myself when that feeling disappeared.